- Hans Weber
- February 1, 2023
Ascension of Energy Czar Jozef I
Coronation or ceremonial decapitation, as the case may be, will come later, but Energy Czar Jozef I ascended the throne yesterday. Bequeathed unto him and his counsel were the powers to decide which of the realm’s manufacturers, food producers and forest-industry businesses shall be granted the honored privilege of a continued existence, as others unplug their machines, fire down their furnaces, shutter their factories and send their penurious proletarians off to their under-heated homes. Some 8,000 of Czar Jozef’s industrial and agricultural subjects will be entitled on paper to imperial patronage of a combined Kč 30bn, but every monarchy has its favorites, its useful sycophants and its sworn enemies, none of whose fate is in dispute. Škoda Auto and Agrofert know clearly where they stand on opposite ends of the hierarchy. Others are assured an audience with the court if proper tribute is paid. Remember, it’s war, and only the strongest, the fittest and the most generous will survive.